terribly annoyed today

I am so freaking annoyed today.
why?

morning:
tries to do GP research paper,
and computer fails terribly
afternoon:
tries to relax by gaming
and the game AI once again fails terribly.
night:
goes for tennis
and bleh, I feel like swearing at this idiot
he can criticise about people's skills
but cant accept criticism himself
I know my service and backhand sucks today
but at least I can get keep my shots within the court
instead of hitting it out like 80% of the time
feel like raging at him
but well
promised 2 ppl i'll try not to use vulgarities or get angry easily
so I shall keep calm.

and of course, practice more tennis
with practice, i'm sure my backhand, forehand, service
and all other strokes can improve

so looking forward to next tuesday
cca resumes
get to see our new school campus
and see the violists again =)
love my section
io amo i miei amici

see you people for now!

tired

freaking tired today
had math tuition from like 12 to 6...
thats 6 hrs of hell.
then some more suay suay trip and fall down stairs
leg hurts now, there goes my running training for next week
unless it recovers very fast.

I need to push my running training more
if I want to be a marathoner
its not going to be easy
more training!
I need to add more running achievements to my collection
and I will!
I swear I will push myself further to my goals!

and well
seems like theyre right.
as the saying goes
look for the silver lining in the clouds.
why give up on my goals just because of a minor setback?
I should rise up with determination
and show them that I can do it.
even the strongest walls can be broken
by a single person's strong determination
thanks to you ppl for that inspiring msn chat last night

now, to rest, and prac viola
ciao

Loving life the way it is

rather tiring day...

woke up early, had breakfast,
then made my way to keppel club for tennis.

then had rain halfway, so we stopped, rested.
then rain stop, so we go dry court and continue to play.
changed my style of playing already
eastern grip for forehand
and single handed backhand.

good to see everyone has improved.
which means I also must improve.
which only means that...
I need to train more.
train more service, forehands and backhands
train till I'm good enough for A division
I believe I can.

and yeah, I need to train more running as well
going for 42km in adidas sundown 2010
42km's a hell of a long journey
run more!

and of course, I cant forget the viola
seem to be losing touch at a few pieces
thats bad... I need to practice more

so thats my holidays.
study (duh) must prepare early for next yr's A lvls
hoping to get at least 3As and a B minimum , and GP A
train running
train tennis
practice viola

I believe all my goals can be accomplished
I just need to focus myself on working for them.

time to go now, byes ppls

Visions, hope, wishes

it has been a long while since I did this

or since I've posted in a manner like this

perhaps gone are these days

whoever will know?

been in quite a different world for these few weeks
all started with a dream I had
and then I've been thinking
maybe all these times, I've been walking in a big mistake?
living in a way that was not meant to be?

I'm losing too much of myself
day, after day, after day.
each attempt slices a part of my soul away
I need to clear myself
I need to take a mirror and look into my past
why have I become like this?

as I write this
I hope that
I will be able to see the truth behing my actions
I will be able to see the truth of myself
I will be able to see the truth behind the scar
and live once again on a fresh day

I cant believe this is happening
I'm crying as I write this
I'm crying, something which has not happened
in over a year
what is happening?
what have I done?

will someone please answer my call?
will someone please talk to me?
will someone please help me?

stay strong, my child

-----Nwk-----

Part Three: on death and dying

on death and dying:
on a hope that they will see this
death
people fear the day they meet him
walking down the path into hades
dying
a process which most fears
leaving this plane we walk upon.
a group of people I must thank
death
when its my turn, I go, I do not fear
walk with him as brothers to his home
dying
pushing open barren doors with no effort
stepping into sunlit, lush meadows
these are the ones who gave me
these do not happen on the physical realm
but on other realms as well
a decision
incurs dying
death of a link between souls
the decision is made
welcome any death it brings
a new life
I have written my past
I shall build my future.
whatever death my choices make
I shall take it in my stride.
with a slight bit of irony.
a new hope
and to end this trilogy
this mindful series of three
a new slate to write on
I thank this group
for giving me new life
two people, especially
writing a new slate
one person, specially
for being a guiding light.
never had people taught me so much
may this story never die
never have I learned so much
-----Nwk-----

Part Two: on sights and separation

on sights and separation:
this group of people
sights are what light up our life
sights are what give us vision
sights also inflict a curse upon us
sights bring in false vision
are none other than
with sight it begins
seeing through your own eyes
when other images fill in
its where deception begins
my beloved RVSE violists
sight bring us ties
sight brings us lies
teaching me the way to live
lies arrive and so does separation
breaking all forms of ties
breaking this lie
resist temptation
resist separation
dampening bad memories of the past
only the strong can resist
only the strong can survive
to survive
is to endure and prosper
we have definitely survived
no lies
no deceptions
but of all the violists
sight of a hope
or death of a wish?
there is one
-----Nwk-----

Part One: on love and living

weird, some might say
yet perhaps unique
a trilogy of my own thoughts
may be the key to a few doors
thanks to her
on love and living...
she seemed weird at first
omen of doom
is love?
or be it the angel of peace,
the dove?
but she thinks in a different way
love complements living
or living complements love?
we ask ourselves:
do we live to love?
or does love make us live?
and helps me with my problems
living for the love of oneself
the way this mind thinks
embrace all that you are given
release those which are taken
love your way which is given
do not tread the path that was taken
one of those who showed
love the way you are made
love the life which shapes you
love your entire being
both inner and outer
love your way of life
love.
for you are unique
true care and concern
I do not live for love
nor does love push me to live
I live love
embracing the way I live
the way I think
the way I do things
the way I have chosen
loving the fact that I'm different
the fact that I'm weird
the fact that I'm...
unique.
thanks to you, you should know who you are
one is down
two more are left
perhaps this trilogy
may give a sight of hope
or the death of a wish
for helping me so far, i could call you madre
-----Nwk-----